CLICK HERE FOR THOUSANDS OF FREE BLOGGER TEMPLATES »

Sunday, August 9, 2009

The Diary of Anne Frank

Journaling is a complicated hobby.

On the one hand, my rampant, and questionably odd, obsession with tangibly written things makes journaling quite rewarding. Call me geriatric, but I love flipping through old notebooks scrawled with illegible Texas history notes and reading 5th grade notes written with gel pens about how Callie Henthorn needs to wear a bra.

I don't delete text messages that I think are particularly funny and to this day re-read the "Dobie is on fire." text, circa 2007, from my RA in San Jacinto and laugh out loud. ..I don't generally think arson is humorous, but it was really unexpected and the circumstances surrounding it are silly. ANYWAY.. needless to say, an obsession with the written word is a two-way street. Similar to the way I like to read things that have been written, I also like to be the one who writes tangible items. I keep old to-do lists and LOVE writing e-mails. I don't mind sending thank you notes and refuse to take my computer to class because handwritten class notes are a lost art. [..that last example was a shameless mind-trick to try and convince myself that owning a 14 lb. computer really isn't the most annoying and impractical part of my existence]

MOVING ON..I also have a tendency to journal. It's narcissistic and totally self-involved, but I do it. It helps me think. It lets me vent. It permits me to demonstrate poor grammar without fear of correction. I don't do it to make everlasting memories about the time I tripped down the steps in front of the tower while eating powdered donuts and smashed one of them into my denim shorts giving me a powdery, white, sugar ass. If anything, that's why I don't journal. I HATE feeling stupid when I re-read something I previously scribbled about. I HATE reliving moments that shouldn't ever have to be relived. But I do it. I do it, and I hate very minute of it.

This is a little off topic, but my current biggest fear is stagnance. Living life in freeze frames. Not changing thoughts, experiences and the like in lieu of remaining completely resolute in current thoughts, experiences and beliefs. I would be living a nightmare if I was the exact same person my whole life. SO.. reading things from years ago and finding myself feeling oddly similar to the words that I wrote is terrifying. I refuse to believe that I am the same person I was my freshman year of college. It's absurd to even entertain the idea..but when you have it in writing, it get's complicated. ERGO: Journaling is a complicated hobby. I kind of don't have a cute, simple, comforting thought to end this post with. Most of the time I can brush off my ridiculous exaggerations and forget about them. I may or may not choose to dwell on this. ..But I also might go watch Kathy Griffin my life on the D-list, eat kettle-corn, listen to Cher, write about it, and go to sleep. Call me a fireman, but I'm going with the latter.

0 comments: