Horrible

I know I know, I'm a horrible blogger.

BUT, in my defense, I actually have been writing a lot this week, but every time I think 'I should put this in my blog' I decide it is no longer relevant or worth anyone's time but my own. So you should THANK me, I'm only posting the best and the brightest of my thoughts.

On that note, not only am I a horrible blogger..but I'm secretly kind of a horrible person as well.

I know, most of you are sneering in disbelief, throwing your hands up in disgust and laughing at the sheer ridiculousy that I could call myself anything but perfectly charming. Nevertheless, it's true, I'm kind of horrible.

For starters, I'm socially blunt. If I don't like you, you probably know it. I don't waste a lot of time with false pretenses because I don't really see the point. Therefore, I'm kind of horrible because it's so obviously common decency to lead someone you detest to believe you approve of their existence, and I just don't play that small talk game.

Example: If I were to see Jared Fogle on the street and I happened to be eating a subway sandwich, I wouldn't giggle at the irony and give him a quick 'Hello, there Jared, you're looking quite trim!" I'd throw whatever remained of my 6 inch turkey at his face and then laugh whole heartedly at the ranch dressing dripping down his 44 inch waist jeans.

Similarly, if I have a strong opinion about something, which quite honestly, doesn't happen a whole heck of a lot.. I prefer to keep moderate opinions about a lot of things just to avoid confrontation and to secure my 'laid back' persona...ANYWAY, if I just so happen to have a strong opinion about something, I'm going to tell you every single detail about why the way I feel about that thing, concept, Hanson song, is right, and why yours is, well, not.

Example: You think Dirty Dancing Havana Nights, sans Patrick Swayze.. exceeded the perfection of the original Dirty Dancing? No dice. You're an idiot. I can't even have a mature discussion with you about this, because you have butt all over your face.

Finally, the last and probably most compelling reason that I'm sort of horrible..I am a complete elitist. Which is traumatizing to admit, but it gets worse. I'm a closet elitist. I HATE admitting it. Even as I type this, I am convincing myself that it's just for the sake of blog interest that I'm saying it. I need to clarify however, that I'm not an elitist about EVERYTHING. I'm not a music elitist, just peruse my iPod, you'll be horrified. I'm not a food elitist, if you want to chow down on 50 cent Jack in the Box grade E beef tacos, it's your perogative. I eat kettle corn at least once a day, who am I to criticize your jonesing for a mcflurry? I am not a fashion elitist. Not to say I don't talk a substantial amount of shit about what people wear, I am woman and it's in my blood.

I'll just say it. I'm a personality elitist. Not to say I have named myself the sole heir to the greatest personality in all the land, ..not that I'd be opposed..I mean, if there was a true competition of course, I'm just saying I think I'd have a shot. All I'm trying to say, in the least horrible, but notably horrible, way possible is that I think everyone I associate with is better than everyone else. Whew, it's out there. MUCH BETTER. Just stop reading if you're horrified..because I'm not taking it back. As a personality elitist, I have a low tolerance for the bland. No understanding of the timid. And a complete indifference to anyone who isn't hilarious, intelligent, outrageously fun, and anything else I decide I want in a friend at any given moment.

Example: "What's that? you don't understand the hilarious joke I'm attempting to make because you're sense of humor is so underdeveloped it's alarming? Not a problem, I can recommend a great Dane Cook stand up act certain to suite your fancy..and then never speak to you again."

The point is, I can't help it if I'm a horrible person who just can't seem to 'see the good in everyone.' If you're lame, I'll find out. It's science.